Conflict is inevitable and a normal part of life. Healthy conflict can lead to positive changes in personal relationships. Negative conflict can be very destructive and can sap energy from everyone around.

It takes common sense, patience and practice to effectively resolve conflict. If you remember that conflict is normal and cannot be avoided, you can learn to constructively manage it, minimize it and resolve it.

Resolving Conflict

There are strategies for resolution that are available and DO work. Here are some tips for resolving conflict:

Clearly describe the issue(s)

Stay neutral, calm and grounded; dont get involved in the emotion of the issue(s)

Dont worry that your needs will not be met or that you wont be heard

Clarify what your understanding is of what is being said

Re-state your understanding of what you heard to confirm your understanding in a non-judgmental way

Ask others what they are hearing you say

Keep asking what the other person needs/wants/wants you to know/what meaning they are making from what you are saying or what they are hearing?

Listen responsively and attentively

Avoid giving advice

Offer relevant information and avoid sharing your feelings during this time of finding resolution (there is plenty of time to express your feelings and better opportunities to be heard accurately)

Be creative and suggest options and alternatives

Avoid analyzing or explaining the other persons behavior

Accept anothers feelings as if they were your own (something it is legitimate to expect when you express your feelings at a different time)

Step into anothers worldview and get a sense of their perspective

All these strategies for resolving conflict are part of the road back to harmony and accord. The more practiced you become at using them, the faster and more completely you will be able to resolve conflict and live in mutually beneficial resolutions.

Id like to stress that when you accept another persons feelings as if they were your own and you step into another persons worldview to get a sense of their perspective you are not giving in or losing ground. Those are behaviors that you choose in the spirit of furthering understanding and cooperation and they are the ultimate acts of good will and good intention. They are offerings from the best parts of you and very frequently result in creating mutually agreeable and beneficial resolutions. In essence, these behaviors are the way to create win-wins in all your relationships!

Please let me know how you are doing with resolving conflicts and how I can help you.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

Copyright Dr. Jackie Black 1999-2005

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