Relationships. Virtually all of us are in one, or at some stage, have been.

In the early days things are great. The birds are singing, the sun seems to be brighter than it ever was, the stars sparkle more brilliantly than before its smiles all round.

A great feeling.

But, with the passage of time, often relationships can struggle, people grow apart, interests change..

People, couples, partners can drift away from each other - not necessarily any one persons fault. In fact, the fault often lies with both parties, but neither will accept it, and perhaps secretly or subconsciously blame the other person.

When lives begins to drag, the excitement seems to have been drained away, routine can be tedious and even annoying, it is unbelievably simple to be stuck in a rut, or languish in the comfort zone.

Spontaneity becomes just a word that only appears in a crossword puzzle, rather than being a spark to re-ignite a relationship.

The sizzle turns into a simmer, then a shudder.

Perhaps its the pressure of work, the bills and mortgage, or perhaps babies, children, schooling, college, university, exams, traffic jams, age creeping up on you, peer pressure, jealousy. the greener grass..

The fact is, its commonplace not to be able to put your finger on any single event or cause, which triggers the failure of a relationship. Its often an ongoing chain of events, frequently where one person is completely oblivious to the spiralling problems which develop into more serious issues.

Its at this point when matters become a major, major threat.

Perhaps one of the parties doesnt even realise their actions, they may just stumble into or onto, someone else.

BANG. - The sparks fly - that long lost feeling resurfaces, tingles down the back of the neck, excitement, pleasurable attention which has been amiss for so long at home.

Before you know - they are off starting a hidden, secretive affair behind your back.

In the early days of an affair, the feeling of guilt is very high, but over time, this dissipates gradually to the point where they simply dont give a damn about you any longer.

Dont get me wrong, they will still pretend everything is OK - they still love you of course, but slowly they make tiny, minuscule changes which one at a time, you probably dont notice, or perhaps you do, but well-prepared answers and excuses seem to work on you.

All the time, you are oblivious. Or are you?

Nagging doubts'.. Questioning actions'.Something not quite right' Changes in routine'.. Strange looks' Hidden whispers'

The worst of it comes when you confront the other person, only to be told .youre being silly.., or . of course I still love.. or .if you loved me, you would trust me...

This could then leave you feeling worse, self-doubting and insecure.

You are now in a quandary a dilemma.. A vicious circle of doubt which starts with you being unsure, but afraid to question as this could lead to problems - or even drive the other person away from you.

This alone could drive you crazy.

You begin to look at the other person in a different way, and their friends. Which of them knows about the affair? Whos involved? Who the affair with? Is it someone you know? Is it one of your friends?

Is there, or isnt there something seedy happening? Are you being stabbed in the back? Are your friends betraying you? Who can you trust or talk to?

Its a nightmare.

At this point, the wrong move could completely ruin your relationship, especially if there really isnt any seedy affair going on, and your partner is faithful.. Perhaps its just your imagination, perhaps youre being paranoid but perhaps not.

Can you see the paradox?

There is no instant solution, no magic pill. Its all down to how you deal with the situation - whether the situation is all in your head. or something more.

The key, is to avoid it happening in the first place.. But sometimes thats easier said than done.

To avoid it follow a plan. One which youd be surprised just how many people ignore.

1. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

2. Never take your partner for granted.

3. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

4. Be spontaneous - occasionally and randomly. Dont try to do it regularly, that simply isnt spontaneous, is it?

5. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

6. Take a step back now and then. Take a good look. Take stock Count your blessings.

7. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

Do you see a picture developing?

Communicating doesnt mean talking to them it means talking WITH them Listening to them.. Hearing what they say.. Understanding Compromising.

And if it has past that stage - be very careful how you deal with matters.

Sometimes it could be better to ignore things, put it out of your mind - other times you simply must know the truth before it all drives you mad.

Gary Durkin 2005