Ugh! The handful of bills feels like an armload of bricks. My stomach hurts and - darnn! Where did that calculator go, anyway? I scrounge through my wallet for the latest ATM slip. The balance mirrors my desire to perform this monthly ritual of Paying the Bills: virtually nil. Yet there's a tiny voice in the back of my mind asking, "Will I always feel this awful about Paying the Bills?"

I remember how I felt when my dad performed the ritual of Paying the Bills. The tension would escalate as he prepared the dining room table as his workspace. Out came the ledger, the check-book, three sharpened pencils, a big rubber eraser, a black-ink pen and a large calculator. I would run for my bedroom when the confrontation began: "Why did you spend so much on this?" "You didn't write down how much check number 222 was for!" It seemed safer to hide in my room and blot out those sounds by listening to my radio.

When I got married, my husband carried on the ritual of Paying the Bills. He performed his duties with an even scarier tactic - icy silences, followed by a verbal blast three days after Paying the Bills. I never got used to this new, darker aspect of the ritual.

You might think that after 50+ years of experiencing Paying the Bills this way that the ritual MUST be acted out full of anxiety, fear, accusations and threats. Not so. I'm living proof that even if you've performed the ritual this way for as long as you can remember, you can change the entire mood of Paying the Bills.

Understanding how the Law of Attraction works to send me more of whatever I'm feeling, I decided that I wanted to feel good about Paying the Bills. I asked myself this question: When do I feel good about writing checks or spending money? The answer: When I'm shopping for things that I enjoy and appreciate. So, I decided to change the name of the ritual from Paying the Bills to Spending Money! As soon as I did that, my mood shifted.

At first, I had to remind myself that I'm Spending Money! and I LOVE Spending Money! I had to consciously replace the phrase Paying the Bills with Spending Money! Now it's natural to think of the ritual as Spending Money!

Then I reminded myself of all the blessings I receive for the services that I'm Spending Money! on. I LOVE the way I'm able to speak with clients and friends, children and grandchildren who live far from me, by phoning them. So I LOVE Spending Money! to pay for the use of my telephone.

I LOVE the extra time I gain by the software enhancements my programmer has developed for my business, so I LOVE Spending Money! on programming.

I LOVE all the freedom I have to order my day for work and play, so I LOVE Spending Money! on secretarial and bookkeeping services.

I LOVE living in a beautiful luxurious harborside condo, so I LOVE Spending Money! to live here.

Now I look forward to the privilege of Spending Money! Each week I perform this ritual with such joy that by the time I've balanced four checking accounts, written a dozen or so checks, photocopied statements, stapled receipts, addressed and stamped all the envelopes, I am HIGH! I LOVE Spending Money!

The next time you begin the ritual of Paying the Bills, just try and NOT think of what you are doing as Spending Money! Now that you know it's possible to have fun Spending Money! the old ritual just won't be the same.

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