Ever been confused by all the overwhelming information and different strategies to cure premature ejaculation?

Let me show you the top 5 misleading suggestions I've uncovered on the web.

Many common 'solutions' to prevent premature ejaculation are completely counterproductive.

Anyone who is familiar with my writing or my work as a sexual healer will understand what I mean.

To successfully treat premature ejaculation or increase sexual stamina it is important to experience a sexual moment deeply and completely.

Many of the premature ejaculation remedies available today come from the opposite perspective.

Let's run through a few of these techniques that take you further away from sexual fulfillment and satisfaction.

1. Numbing Creams / Sprays / Extra condoms

Numb says it all. What's the point of sex if you're not really feeling it.

Your partner doesn't want a human vibrator. Trust me, there's a time for toys and there's a time for a real live man.

I don't want mine with extra layers of latex and dead nerve endings thankyou very much. When I have a man inside me I want to know he is feeling it!

Plus, I've heard that that those numbing potions can affect the woman during sex.

Imagine that, two people going through the motions without feeling it!

2. Distracting Yourself

A lot of folklore about male sexual performance revolves around the idea of delaying orgasm by distracting yourself.

Thinking about your mother-in-law or sports, biting your cheek etc are all methods I have heard of or read about at some time or another.

Turning off your arousal temporarily is not the same as mastering it.

And again, if you only able to have sex by thinking about boring or distasteful things, how much fun is it going to be?

This is a bad habit to get into. You don't want to train yourself to get bored and distracted when you are in the middle of hot lovin'.

No woman is ever going to be interested in a man who can't focus on the matter at hand.

Especially if she figures out you are thinking about your mother-in-law!!

3. Masturbation

This is an interesting one. Remember that scene in 'Something About Mary' where he 'clears the pipes' before his big date to avoid seeming desperate.

I have read that it is a good thing before sex to have a pre-emptive orgasm in order to delay the main event.

I'd like to examine this a bit closer to see where this isn't helpful and maybe highlight when it is.

Anxiety and stress about the impending sexual experience, thinking about the possibility of embarrassing yourself by coming too soon and focusing on the negatives of your sexual performance WHILE you masturbate is extremely unhelpful.

Building a regime of this can be very damaging. It will have the effect of eroticising and reinforcing these aspects.

You will associate orgasm even more with the stress and performance anxiety that is already a problem.

However masturbating as part of a relaxed regime of self-pleasure and self-love can be very helpful.

As long as your masturbation is not tied to your sexual performance it can be an enriching part of your sex life.

In particular using self-pleasure to more fully explore your sexual arousal levels, orgasms, and control is the first step to deepening your awareness of sex.

4. Muscle Control

Some techniques are like shaolin kung-fu disciplines that prescribe pelvic floor exercises.

The theory is that with enough muscle strength and control you can prevent ejaculation escaping.

By catching it with intense muscle contractions! Pretty spectacular stuff hey?

In reality it's a bit like shutting the gate after the horse has bolted.

Wouldn't you rather devote your time to exercises that help you understand your arousal levels so you can control the orgasm beforehand, and not just the fluid after the fact.

And by the way, from what I gather it's extremely difficult to achieve anyway.

5. Alcohol / Drugs

Relying on alcohol or drugs before you initiate a sexual encounter is a definite no no.

Alcohol ultimately depresses your nervous system. And so depresses your ability to feel and maintain an erection.

It is certainly the last thing you want to rely on for great sex.

It may seem that you might loosen up your inhibitions temporarily.

From the point of view of sexual stamina, forget it!

And drugs - recreational or therapeutic. Some may give the illusion of increased sexual performance.

But ultimately it is your level of awareness, your level of consciousness, your level of presence as a man that makes all the difference.

I don't want you to think I'm a complete prude. This stuff isn't terrible in and of itself. I like the odd glass of champagne as much as the next girl.

But my point is this. Using any or all of these techniques as the basis of your premature ejaculation cure will fail. It could actually make the situation worse.

Relying on these things will lead you further from your true goal of sexual mastery and control of your orgasms.

The only way to become a master of your sexuality is to go deeper into your sexual experiences, not further away.

Learn about your body and orgasmic arousal by focusing on them.

Don't shut your sexuality down in the quest for the 'appearance' of sexual mastery.

A man with a numb penis, thinking about sports, thrusting for an hour, is about as far from a master as you can get.

Love,
Mukee Okan

Copyright 2005 Mukee Okan